Of the six simple steps that I teach my private clients, to create extraordinary relationships, this is step two.
Take some time to plan what you are going to say, schedule the time and have this talk. Here’s the formula to bring you and your partner closer together again, with a good heart-to-heart chat:
My vision for our relationship is…
The apologies I want to make to you are…
The requests I have of you are…
This conversation formula allows you to actually have something meaningful to talk about, especially when things have been tense or distant. It’s a good idea for both of you to prepare for this talk in advance, which also helps to calm your nerves and sets an intention to take each other seriously because your relationship matters and your feelings matter.
First let your partner know that you care about them, you care about your relationship, and you care about your emotional well-being. For those reasons you want to have a loving talk with them and ask them to clear some time for this talk to take place without kids present or other possible distractions. If necessary, get a babysitter or take an afternoon off work together. Your relationship is worth it.
Give your partner the framework for the talk. Let them know this comes from a Marriage Mentor who has supported thousands of clients just like you, but more importantly, that this comes from an expert who has a loving, healthy, happy, thriving marriage personally!
Ask your partner to spend some time thinking about the three topics of conversation, before you meet to have your talk, and they are:
The vision or dream I have for our relationship is….
The apologies I want to make to you are….
The requests I am asking of you, to improve our relationship are…
When you have your talk, remember to start with a loving intention and bring that energy to the conversation. “Sweetheart (or whatever name you call your partner), because I care about you, because I care about me, and I especially care about US…. I am so grateful that you are sitting with me for this talk so we can make our relationship even better. I have had some things on my heart and my mind, that I need to share with you. We’ll take turns. I want to share my vision and then hear yours. There are some things I want to apologize for, and hopefully you have some too. Then I want to ask you some heartfelt requests and I also want to hear yours.”
I suggest having this conversation with a relaxing drink and something to nibble on. Don’t do this while attempting to cook or do dishes. Put your phones away and really focus on each other. This conversation can literally open the door to resetting and recharging your relationship. Give it all you’ve got. Your relationship is worth it!